Struggling to connect with your partner sexually? You might want to figure out their love language.
Created by Dr. Gary Chapman in 1992, the theory is that we all give and receive love differently but it falls into five categories – words of affirmation, quality time, physical touch, acts of service and gift giving.
For example, one partner might love spending time together, saying how you feel might be more important for the other.
Not working with their dominant love language might make them feel like you aren’t showing love – even if you are doing it in different ways.
It’s important to think about these things in day-to-day life but you can take it into the bedroom too and getting it right could make you both feel more satisfied when it comes to sex.
Words of affirmation
If this is your partner’s love language, you need to get on board with some serious communication during sex.
Tell them you love them, compliment them and don’t just say silent as you go through the motions.
Dirty talk can be great for a partner who enjoys words of affirmation.
Don’t get too caught up in what you’re going to say – work on it together and it will come naturally.
For those who like this love language, sex might need to be a slower affair. A spontaneous quickie might not be the way to their heart.
People who appreciate quality time usually prefer a slow build-up with lots of foreplay and some time afterwards to bask in that post-orgasm glow.
Better still, set aside time to spend the whole evening together, building up the romance before getting into bed together.
Sex, of course, is pretty important to people who like this love language.
But to really help your partner enjoy it, amp up the skin to skin contact.
Focus on caressing their back, stroking their body and kissing them. A massage with some essential oils could help get them in the mood.
It’s important to have lots of touching going on outside the bedroom too though if this is their dominant language.
Don’t dismiss cuddles on the sofa or holding their hand and then expect to just be intimate in the bedroom.
Acts of service
This love language is all about putting them first and doing what they want.
When having sex with someone who likes acts of service, spend some time focusing solely on them and putting their sexual needs before theirs.
Spontaneous oral sex or something you know they love but you don’t get a chance to do often (of course, only if your’re comfortable with it) can mean a lot to them.
When it comes to sex, people who like gifts want you to think about a surprise that might come in useful in the bedroom.
Whether it’s sex toys, lingerie, erotic literature or tickets to a sex workshop, focus on what they really want, not just what you want.
For people with this love language, it’s not about big extravagant things but more about something meaningful, showing how you know them and what they like.
Keep the gifts small but frequent, ensuring you get to try out lots of different things.
If your partner enjoys clitoral stimulation, for example, try a sucker toy or pick up some kinky bits and pieces if they’ve expressed an interest in BDSM.
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