My husband called me by the wrong name in bed and gets jumpy when I walk into the room
DEAR DEIDRE: MY husband gets jumpy if he is on his laptop and I walk into the room.
I assumed he was probably just looking at porn or flirting with his ex — until he called me by the wrong name recently.
Now I’m convinced he must be straying.
He is 41 and works long hours, with erratic shifts, as a security guard. I am 39 and work as a teacher. We have four children and one of them has special needs.
I feel I run the whole family. He doesn’t take on any of the organisation, as I work shorter hours.
My job has become more demanding over the past year because of coronavirus and I do a lot more hours than I’m paid for, trying to do my best for all our children.
Still my husband’s tea is on the table every night, even though I’m exhausted after what is a particularly stressful job.
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He doesn’t involve himself with the kids and I sometimes feel like I have a fifth child.
I came downstairs the other night to find him messaging someone. He initially tried to hide the screen before quickly flicking it back to Facebook.
It’s not the first time he has sent messages to other women. They’re always single, or his ex, but when I have tried to find the messages on his phone, he has already deleted them.
I’ve always thought he was simply flirting, until he called me “Rachel” by mistake during sex. I don’t know who this Rachel is.
Why is he messaging other women? I’ve seen what he sends to his ex sometimes and he always puts lots of kisses at the end, which is worrying in itself.
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DEIDRE SAYS: My guess is that with your hectic family life and his long shifts, you have forgotten why you got together in the first place.
It is so easy for everyday life to get in the way of a relationship.
You won’t know why he called you by the wrong name – or what he’s doing on his laptop – unless you ask him.
It may be perfectly innocent but if he is messaging other women, his mind is not on you, which is where it should be.
Has he felt pushed out because you do everything for the children? Do you still do things together as a couple? Is your sex life flagging?
Find a quiet moment to tell him you both need to focus on your relationship more.
Explain you need to make time for one another and to parent together.
My support pack called Relationship MOT will show you how to get things back on track.
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