DEAR DEIDRE: I AM worried my girlfriend is secretly gay and is using me to hide it from her family.
She is 29, I am 37 and we met in a pub two summers ago. She lives in Italy but was visiting friends here.
We got chatting at the bar while we waited for our drinks and before she headed back to her table, I asked if I could take her out.
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We had dinner a couple of days later and the chemistry was great.
She came back to mine for another drink, we couldn’t resist one another and before we had poured the second glass we were pulling off each other’s clothes and having sex.
Over the following months we would regularly visit each other and were growing closer. She introduced me to her family and friends and I was proud to do the same.
I was surprised when she told me she’d had a relationship with another woman before we met, but she reassured me she wasn’t gay and only wanted me.
We have only managed to visit each other a handful of times over the past year but I really want to be with her so suggested that she moves here.
But she wasn’t keen. When pushed for the reason why, she finally admitted she had been seeing this same woman.
I was devastated but she insisted it was over and had only happened because she has been lonely since we haven’t been able to see each other.
But I’m not sure what to believe.
Her family are strict Catholics and disapprove of same-sex relationships — when her cousin came out as gay, they disowned her.
Is my partner just using me to convince her family she’s straight?
DEIDRE SAYS: Your girlfriend may be bisexual, and so is attracted to both men and women – but that doesn’t necessarily mean she is using you as a front.
Long-distance relationships are difficult to maintain and you haven’t been able to spend much time together over the last year.
So her explanation is feasible. However, you need to work out if you can forgive her and if you have a future as a couple.
If you decide you do, what does that future look like? Will one of you move to be with the other within a year?
She wasn’t keen to move here before, but now you know about her cheating has that changed?
Plot firm milestones, otherwise you are likely to drift into different relationships.
I’m sending you my support packs Bisexual Issues and Can You Get Over Cheating, which explain more.
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