My fiancée has banned my best mate from our wedding

DEAR DEIDRE: MY fiancée has banned my best mate from our wedding because he broke her maid of honour’s heart.

We’re planning to get married next year after almost 20 years together. It’s going to be a traditional white wedding.


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We met at university, where my best friend and her best friend also dated. We had great fun going out as a foursome. We’re all 38 now.

But while our relationship has lasted, they broke up after two years of dating.

He cheated on her with another girl, and she was devastated. They haven’t spoken since, and he now lives in another city.

When I told my fiancée that I was going to ask him to be my best man, she went ballistic and insisted he wasn’t welcome at the wedding at all.

I’m very upset about this, he’s still my closest friend. I don’t have a huge amount of mates.

Yes, he cheated on his ex, but they were only 21 then. It was a lifetime ago.

I know he’s a good guy now and learned his lesson.

He’s got a serious girlfriend and has never cheated on her. As for my fiancée’s friend, she has a partner and a kid.

She’s certainly not pining over my best mate any more.

I’m sure if they meet again at the wedding they will be civil. The whole thing seems ridiculous.

Planning the wedding has changed my fiancée. I think she’s turning into a bridezilla.

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Do I pick someone else to be my best man — someone I’m less close to — and tell my best mate he can’t come?

Or do I put my foot down, which, given how adamant my fiancée is about this, could lead to the whole wedding being called off?

DEIDRE SAYS: Marriage is all about compromise and even though you and your fiancée aren’t married yet, one is badly needed here.

Maybe you could both agree that your best mate is invited, but doesn’t take such a large role in the ceremony.

Whatever you decide, you must talk to your fiancée about this and explain how much it’s upsetting you.

Remind her of what’s important and how much you love her.

But she needs to see that the wedding is not only her day, it’s yours too, and having your best mate there is clearly important to you.

My support pack Standing Up For Yourself could help you to have this conversation in a constructive way.

I wonder if your fiancée has even spoken to her friend about it.

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