DEAR DEIDRE: MY husband of almost 20 years won’t give up his mistress and it’s killing me.
We’re in our late forties and last summer I discovered messages from a woman on his phone, confronted him, and he admitted he was having an affair.
He promised to stop but they carried on meeting.
I was so upset that I left home for two weeks before Christmas until he begged me to return, swearing he would end the affair.
But he stops calling her for a week then it starts up again.
When I confronted him, he said they were just talking as friends and I have nothing to worry about.
I can’t cope any more, it’s made me sick with anxiety and I’m on medication.
I’ve told him he needs to break off all contact or I’ll end the marriage.
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DEIDRE SAYS: Your husband is being unrealistic – at best – if he thinks they can remain friends while he is married to you.
Even if he has stopped seeing this woman, he is not considering your feelings by continuing to contact her.
Pick a quiet moment to tell him you want the marriage to work but things must change.
It’s time to look after yourself and make a stand.
He should know how much he’s hurting you and either commit to your marriage or let you leave.
If he wants to make a go of things, some counselling would help you both.
Try Tavistock Relationships (tavistock relationships.org, 020 7380 1960).
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