I found a photo of my wife holding a stripper’s manhood – should I speak up?

DEAR DEIDRE:  I FOUND a photo on my wife’s phone of her holding a stripper’s manhood.

He was aroused and she was smiling. It made me feel sick to my stomach.


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Her best friend was getting married in May with my wife as a bridesmaid.

The wedding has been postponed until next year now but the hen party was just before lockdown.

They’d been planning the hen party for weeks and were really excited about it.

My wife told me they were going to a spa for the day and a club in the evening where there would be a male stripper.

I was really uncomfortable about it as I know what these hen parties can be like, especially when everyone has been drinking a lot.

We argued about her going but she told me to trust her and I reluctantly said I was OK about it.

I’m 38 and my wife’s 36.

We’ve been married for 10 years and have two boys aged five and three.

We have a good relationship generally.

I thought I knew my wife inside and out but after this I feel as though I don’t know her at all.

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I only found the photo because I was looking for one of our boys to send my mum.

My wife hadn’t mentioned it to me or told me what happened.

At the time she just said she’d had a lot of fun and left it at that.

She knows I worry about my size and always have done.

Even though she has reassured me I am fine as I am, this other man was twice my size.

I don’t know how she could have done this to me.

It is all I can think about.

I can’t concentrate at work either.

I think my wife knows something isn’t right but is carrying on as if everything is normal.

I don’t know whether to say anything.

DEIDRE SAYS: If it’s eating into you so much, you have to say what’s troubling you or it will become a real rift.

I doubt your wife feels she did anything to you.

She had an evening of silly fun which she probably reckons has no bearing on her relationship with you and certainly isn’t on her list of life-changing events.

Stripper shows do get bawdy and aren’t everyone’s cup of tea but that was no threat to your marriage – unless you make it one.

Your wife probably didn’t mention it because she knew you’d be angry and upset – and she was right, but only because you worry so much about your penis size even though your wife has made it clear you’re fine as you are.

She could choose to resent the fact that you value her judgment so little though she is the person most affected.

You’re fine as nature intended.

Most women reach orgasm through stimulation other than intercourse and good sex depends on skill not inches.

My e-leaflet Manhood Too Small will reassure you.

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