DEAR DEIDRE: I AM just my fella’s dirty little secret because he is embarrassed by our age gap.
We’ve been seeing each other on and off for four years, yet he still hasn’t introduced me to any of his friends or family.
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We met through a local walking group. He’s 40 and I’m 62, and we’re both divorced, me for many years.
At first we were just friends, but he made it clear that he found me attractive and wanted more.
He did all the running, constantly calling me, sending messages and wanting to meet for coffee or dinner.
He told me I was beautiful and he didn’t care about my wrinkles. But I soon noticed that while he was very affectionate in private, he would never touch me in public.
He’s close to his parents and siblings but if he had a family lunch or a social evening with friends, I was never invited.
This hurt me and I told him I wanted to be his partner, not just someone he saw for dates and sex.
He said he was a private person and he’d introduce me soon, but it has never happened.
Exasperated, I broke up with him, and he begged me to take him back. This has now happened three times.
He promises he’s not ashamed of me and wants to be with me. But nothing has changed.
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I’m now at the point of ending it again. I am thinking of selling my house and downsizing, and I’d like him to move in with me. He says he isn’t ready — and if I’m honest, I don’t think he’ll ever be.
Yet without him, I know that I’ll just be lonely and might never find love again.
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DEIDRE SAYS: Your relationship with your boyfriend is all on his terms.
He spends little time with you, he won’t move in with you and he hasn’t told anyone about you.
It isn’t surprising that even though you love him, you are losing patience and have tried to call your relationship off a few times.
Maybe he’s worried his family and friends won’t approve because you’re so much older.
But I’m afraid that after four years together, it’s unlikely that anything will change.
In your heart, you know this, which is why you keep trying to end it.
You take him back because you love him and are scared of being alone. This isn’t healthy, as my support pack on Addictive Love explains.
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Talk to him again and tell him you’re losing patience and if he doesn’t make your relationship public, this time you will end it once and for all.
Stick to your guns. You deserve someone who is with you fully and openly.
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