DEAR DEIDRE: WHEN I caught my wife having sex with my business partner, my world fell apart.
Now I can’t even speak to either of them, but my wife claims it was just a stupid mistake.
I’m 38 and she is 39. My business partner, a friend I’ve known since I was a child, is 37.
A week ago, my life was perfect. I had a happy marriage, two lovely children and loved running my successful design business I’d built from nothing.
My wife did the book-keeping and helped with admin.
Sometimes, she’d be alone in the office with my business partner.
I trusted them both. He was like a brother to me, an uncle to my kids.
One afternoon last week, a client cancelled our off-site meeting at the last minute.
I decided to head back to the office as I had a few things to finish. I knew my wife and business partner would both be there.
When I walked back in, I heard strange noises, like moaning.
I was greeted by the worst sight imaginable — my wife straddling my business partner.
He was sitting in his office chair, with his pants around his ankles, and she had her skirt hitched up around her waist.
I was so shocked, I instantly ran to the bathroom to vomit.
When I came out, my wife was crying and my partner had left.
She said it was a moment of madness and that it will never happen again.
But since then, I haven’t been able to go home. I’m staying at my sister’s.
My wife and business partner keep calling but I’m not ready to talk.
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I don’t know how I can stay married, or work with either of them again. All the trust has gone and my life is in pieces.
How will I ever recover?
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DEIDRE SAYS: When the two people you most trust betray you, it is just devastating.
This situation is particularly tough, as it impacts on every aspect of your life – home and work.
My support pack, Cheating – Can You Get Over It? should be helpful to read.
Understandably, you’re not ready to talk to your wife or partner – but in time it would be helpful to understand what happened.
You need to decide if your marriage is worth salvaging.
Of course, as angry as you are with your wife, you need to think of your kids, as they will be confused and upset by your absence.
You may find it helpful to have some counselling as a couple or separately.
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You can find some support through tavistockrelationships.org (020 7380 1960).
As for your business partner, if you feel you can’t work with him again, it may be possible to buy him out.
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