Dating is difficult. It’s even more difficult in the age of online dating, where it’s completely normal to stand up a date because, uh, what do you owe that stranger whose face you swiped right, anyway? Getting stood up on a first date doesn’t make anyone feel good, but these texts to send on the day of a date will help mitigate the risk of sitting alone at a bar on a Tuesday night.
It takes guts to move a relationship off of a dating app, and when a first date doesn’t go well, who can blame you for feeling like you’ve lost a night you could have spent with friends or your Netflix queue? So send a text confirming your date ahead of time so you don’t get stood up — or at least, so you can offset the likelihood of that happening dramatically. Matchmaker and dating coach Lori Salkin says, “If you find yourself in a situation where [you] just want to confirm your date and the date plan … there is no harm in taking matters into your own hands and texting [them] to confirm.” You may not be able to guarantee love at first sight, but sending a text before you head out for the coffee shop can give you a better idea of whether or not you’re wasting your time.
Here are some texts you can send your date if you start smelling the cowardly stank of "LOL, I’m not coming":
1. "Hey, still on for tonight?"
This text is straight to the point. Licensed marriage and family therapist Nicole Richardson says sending this type of text “conveys a sense of excitement and confidence. It doesn’t leave you too vulnerable and if the person never responds, you have your answer.” A text like this is a great way to gauge where your date is at. It’s low-pressure, and you’ll be able to tell if they are looking to weasel out of the date immediately.
2. "What time works for you tonight?"
Better yet, Richardson says to “display a little more confidence” and text a specific time, like, "Does 8 p.m. work for you tonight?" Richardson says, “It’s the day of, your time is important, make that plan.” Asking your date about a specific time is a much smoother way of asking them if they are going to bail or not. This text also puts slightly more pressure on them not to bail. Founder of The Professional Wingman, Thomas Edwards Jr., says this text “is a good way to ask if the date is still happening without directly asking.”
3. "Want to meet at [insert location here]?"
Another way to figure out if you’re going to get stood up is to suggest a place to meet to your date, if you haven’t already. Richardson says, “Don’t forget to respect your own time. If you don’t, others won’t either.” A suggestion for where to go is better than an open-ended "Where should we go?" If your date hasn’t already suggested a place, or hasn’t already told you they’ve got somewhere in mind, feel free to volunteer a destination. When it comes to picking a spot to meet, communication is everything. Salkin says, “If [your date] has put time and effort into a date idea and feels you’ve just dismissed it, it could be insulting.”
4. "Looking forward to tonight. Is [insert spot/time here] is still good for you?"
Yes, even if you’ve confirmed the date the evening before, it’s worth shooting a text your date’s way on the day of, too. It’s always nice to show your date you’re excited to meet them. It’s good to ask if they’re still down to meet at the agreed upon time, but if you don’t want to, that’s also OK. Richardson says, “On the day of, you have the opportunity to tell someone what you want. Of course, you can be flexible, but if you want to meet at a particular time and place, let it be known. Take charge.”
5. "Hey! Just got here. See you soon."
This is the type of text you should use once you’re actually sitting down at the agreed-upon date spot. “It is definitely OK to text someone once you’ve arrived if you haven’t spotted them yet. [They] could be looking for you too,” Salkin says. Edwards agrees, “Sending a message like this is great to build some momentum of communication before the in-person communication begins.” And if they’re not there, maybe they’re on their way. Reaching out gives them an opportunity to respond. Richardson says, “This [text] works really well if you are excited to be there, even if the other person doesn’t show.” If they still stand you up, treat yourself to the most expensive treat on the menu.
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