If you’ve been struggling to find the perfect Valentine’s Day gift, maybe you’ve just been looking in the wrong place. You could look at chocolate shops for some artisanal delights, you could look at jewelry stores for something sparkly and special. Or you could look at the internet and find a Beard Bouquet for the bearded hipster of your dreams. What is a beard bouquet? Nine little rosettes meant to be planted into facial hair, because this is romance in 2019, apparently. They look a little like the rosettes you may have had dug into your scalp if you did gymnastics or ballet as a child, but Firebox, the website that sells them, promises they are much more comfortable.
"Clip these nine beautiful blossoms into your majestic face fuzz and let them work their magic," the site explains. "We’ve selected super comfortable clips that won’t tug or pull, so wearing them all day is definitely an option if you decide it’s a look too good to save for your date."
These little beauts are so popular that they’re currently out of stock — but they should be back by January 23. Why is there such a high demand? Well, it may be because the website is make some big claims. "One look at your flower stuffed facial hair and you’ll be enjoying her secret garden in no time," the site says. "Well, best not gild the lily, we can’t promise THAT, but we can promise they will provide the perfect fertilizer for your blossoming romance. Who could resist a man with a face of beautiful, romantic roses? Only an idiot, that’s who." Yeah, not so sure about that, people — but to each their own.
The site also promises "instant guaranteed pulling power". "Pulling" basically means making out or scoring in the UK, so they seem sure this flowers could help a single person get some love. If you’re in a relationship, they seem to be designed to help someone to impress their partner. Which might work, if their partner has a weirdly low threshold for presents and a high threshold for shenanigans. Even though the company is based out of the UK, they can ship to the US as well, according to the site, so beard bouquets can bloom everywhere.
If you still haven’t found that perfect gift, you may want to think outside of the box. There are plenty of unique Valentine’s Day gifts out there that are more interesting than flowers. "So many times, we are somewhat forced to picture Valentine’s Day a particular way — roses, chocolates, tiny plush bears — and it seems like the romance is manufactured for us," Tyler Turk, Founder, Crated With Love, a monthly date night subscription box, tells Bustle. "In reality, Valentine’s Day is meant to celebrate your love for that special someone. Love is rarely contrived — it is unique, spontaneous, and needs to be special! Instead of falling into doing the same thing, find a unique activity that helps spark some of those feelings of excitement and anticipation, just like you had when you first started dating!"
And if the early days of your relationships involved a lot of beards and/or flowers, then maybe the Beard Bouquet is the answer you’ve been looking for. I won’t judge.
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